


Attack of the OOC

by BleedxLikexMe



Series: Is this real life or just fanfiction? [1]
Category: The Avengers (2012)
Genre: "OC" Character, Apparently Loki reads fic A LOT, Crack, FOURTH WALL WHAT FOURTH WALL, GUYS I'M SO SORRY FOR THIS IDK WHAT HAPPENED, Gen, I'm just gonna go with the insanity plea, LIKE ALL THE TIME, LIKE MAJOR CRACK OKAY, The Author would like to apologize for.... EVERYTHING, Tony finds out about fanfiction, but not really an OC character, ooc, seriously I dont even know what this is supposed to be
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-03-27
Updated: 2013-03-27
Packaged: 2017-12-06 16:10:13
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,935
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/737603
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BleedxLikexMe/pseuds/BleedxLikexMe
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Tony doesn't want to talk about the two day period where his team was cursed by Loki.<br/>...<br/>Not even at his drunkest.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Attack of the OOC

**Author's Note:**

> I DON'T KNOW WHAT I'M DOING WITH MY LIFE ANYMORE.
> 
> Also, please tell me if you find any grammar/spelling errors, please and thank you.
> 
> P.S, I'm going to come back and make things italicized properly once I get a computer in my hands. I'm posting this from my cell phone. I think that gives me a small chunk of leeway on the whole lack of inflection thing I've got goin' on here.

The Tower was in a state of absolute chaos. Loki had appeared out of thin air, cast a spell, and vanished in a puff of green smoke, cackling all the while. Tony stared at the mess surrounding him, "What." He gaped, " _What_." Thinking back to Loki's magical maniacal mischief, Tony shook his head and tried to pretend very hard that it hadn't happened.And It happened like this:

Loki: *saunters in like he totes ownes the place* I read fics! Many fics! And in these fics the Avengers were O-O-C and it amused me greatly! *casts spell* LET'S SEE HOW YOU LIKE THAT, STARK! *vanishes*

See? How was Tony supposed to even react to Loki's _words_ when suddenly Steve stood up, peeled off his shirt, and proceeded to do a hand stand, apparently, for the fuck of it. Opening his mouth to ask what the fuck was happening, Tony was cut off by Thor suddenly walking into a wall and then punching it, while shouting about its betrayal, "What." Tony whispered, eyes strained, mouth set in a thin line, as he hunched in on himself, sounding confused and panicked.

Bruce smirked, slumped in his seat, and spread his legs wide as he bit his lower lip and _very blatantly checked out Captain America's ass_. Clint perched on the edge of the TV and stayed silent, only occasionally making an odd 'krrroo' sound, Natasha was giggling to herself with her palm in front of her lips, as if to hide a secret, and Jane was grunting to herself about 'science', while tinkering, almost violently and definitely cave-man-like, with her phone.

Tony gaped, drew in a breath, held his head high, squared his shoulders, and-

_very quickly, scampered away to hide in his lab._

\--------

"Sir," JARVIS intoned politely, "I appear to have found what Mister Odinson was talking about." Tony scrambled over himself to snag a tablet. The information poured onto the screen and Tony eagerly read.

And then stopped.

"What." He blinked, "People write fictional stories about us? About our lives and then post it on the web? That's creepy. Really creepy." Tony stared at a spot on the far wall, imagining he was peering out of a computer screen and into some creepy fanboy/girls eyes. He shuddered and shook his head, clearing away those thoughts.

"Okay, that asiiide, what's an O-O-C?" He muttered to himself, chewing on a metal stylis.

"O-O-C stands for Out of Character, Sir." JARVIS provided.

"So, Loki made everyone act.... out of character? Well, why aren't I acting out of character?" Tony asked JARVIS.

"Sir, if I may- you don't seem to have 'out of character' qualaties."

"What? That's impossible! Everyone does!"

"Sir, you've done everything your team was doing, and rather willfully, I might add, before. I don't believe the spell affected you for that reason alone."

Tony considered that, "I dunno, JARVIS. It sounds like a quick excuse for a writer to use when they have no idea how to make something happen."

The AI sighed, "Be that as it may, Sir, it is still plausible."

"Yeah, sure." Tony agreed, bobbing his head and rapidly reading through the 'fanfictions', "But how do we make it not happen anymore? I don't like my O-O-C team. I want my team back to being I-C." Tony frowned, "Is that a thing? I-C? In Character. Whatever. You know what I meant."

"Indeed, Sir. As far as I can tell, all of these extremely O-O-C fanfictions have one common denominator. An O-C, or, Original Character."

"I don't know what that means." Tony huffed, leaning back in his chair tiredly.

"Original Characters are people that have been created by the author of the fanfiction and tossed into the story as a plot device. Most O-C's are majorly incorporated into the fic and are.... very poorly written." JARVIS mumbled the last part and Tony felt a dawning horror that JARVIS might have been affected by the spell too, "These characters, most of them being female, are somehow able to make eveything alright before anyone manages to get too badly hurt. It's all very rainbows and unicorns, Sir."

Yep. Definitely affected.

"JARVIS, please, very quickly would you send me a list of qualaties the O-C's seem to have in common?" Tony asked as politely as he could. Without answer, his phone dinged, alerting him that he had a message. Silently cursing Loki, Tony basically dove into his Iron Man suit and began his search for his OC.

He read the list three times before an idea hit him. He flew to the closest college campus and landed as gently as he could in the library. He ignored everyone that looked at him and that was male, instead, he searched for a woman that seemed oblivious to his existance entirely.

He hit gold on the third floor.

There, sitting in an overly-stuffed arm chair, with a laptop balanced on her knees, was a brunette woman with pale skin, blue-green eyes hidden behind thick-rimmed, black glasses, and iPod headphones plugged into her ears. She wore a black fedora, a black button up vest over a white tank top, a pair of grey skinny jeans, and purple chucks. Her left arm, from shoulder to wrist, was covered in leopard print tattoos, while her right arm had the universe tattooed, in all its swirling glory, all the way down to her wrist as well.

She was perfect.

Practically skipping over to her, Tony hauled her to her feet and caught her laptop (she'd probably get pissed and not want to help him if he broke her stuff) before it could crash to the floor, "Finally! You! Awesome! I have a job for you. It's very important! The Avengers need you!"

The woman yanked her arm out of his grip, scowling harshly, "One, I'm not a prostitute, so 'The Avengers' can get their help somewhere else. And, two, do I get paid if you don't need me for sexy times?"

Tony nodded seriously, "Yeah! No, of course! No sexy times. Totally didn't think you were a hooker anyways. I need an O-C and you fit the bill."

The woman stared at him blankly, " _What_."

"Yeah, Loki cast a spell, fucked some shit up, made the team all O-O-C, which left me in charge of fixing this mess and taking care of them. All I need you do to is to take care of them while I try to fix this." Tony flipped up the faceplate and gave the chick his best puppy dog eyes, " _Pleeeease_???"

The woman waved her hands in his face and wrinkled her nose at him, "Ugh, alright. Fine. I can literally _feel_ you use excess question marks when you beg."

Tony jumped excitedly in place once before he grabbed the woman in his arms and flew off towards the Tower.

And then flew back once he realized she was kicking him for leaving her stuff at the library.

\---------

Tony corralled the team back into the living room (which, really, why was this Tony's life?) and introduced them to the woman he picked up at the library. Tony blinked, "Actually, I realize I don't know your name." The woman opened her mouth, "No! Don't tell me! You have to be an O-C! If you have a real persons name it could jeopordize everything!" He waved his hands around frantically to show her the grave importance of this, "So, I'm gonna call you... Delilah. Yep. Everyone, this is Delilah. She's your new babysitter til I get this crap figured out." With that, Tony walked off.

Only to poke his head back into the room a second later, "Behave. I mean it." He narrowed his eyes at his team and then vanished.

Fer realz this time.

\------

"What do you mean you don't have powers?!" Tony shouted incredulously.

Delilah sighed at him, rolling her eyes, "I meant what I said, and I said what I meant. Sexy though I may be, I'm not heaven sent." She giggled, "Ooh. That rhymed. Sorry. But, yeah, no. No super cool powers. Just plain ol' Dar-" Tony clamped his hand over her mouth and shook his head.

"No." He whispered, eyes wide, " _No_."

She bit his palm and he yipped, jerking his hand back, "Like I was saying. I don't have powers."

"But the O-C is _supposed_ to have a really convenient super power!" Tony whined, stomping his left foot sharply.

"Hate to break it to you, but this isn't a fanfiction." Delilah sighed. She did that a lot. The sighing thing.

Tony eyed her like she was crazy, _"Of course it is."_

\------

The screaming was what woke Tony up. Dashing to where the screams where coming from, Tony skidded to a hault when he saw Jane trying to squish Delilah in a painful looking hug, "No! Bad Jane! We don't crush Delilah!" Tony scolded, prepared to swat the cave-scientist on the nose with a- a... Tony looked around for something to swat Jane with but came up with nothing. Shrugging, he stalked forward and flicked her on the tip of her nose with his middle finger.

Jane dropped Delilah and gaped at Tony before scowling and smacking him on the arm, "What the hell, Tony?"

Tony blinked, frowning, "You're speaking. That's good. Maybe the spell is wearing off." He turned around at the sound of someone clearing their throat and stared.

The team was back to normal. Steve was clothed, Bruce was making sweet, sweet, eye-love to the carpet, Natasha had that deadly (yet, oddly friendly) look back in her eyes, Clint wasn't making bird sounds, so that was an improvement, and Thor didn't seem to be an idiot anymore. So yay!

Tony nearly cried with relief, "I thought you guys would never be back to normal!" He shouted, throwing his arms around Bruce to hug him.

Peeling Tony off of him (Tony made a mental note to be offended later), Bruce cleared his throat, "Yes, we're back to being freaks of nature." He twirled his index finger in a circle, "Woohoo."

Delilah giggled and Tony threw himself at her, "Thank you, Delilah! You were an awesome O-C! You can go back to college now, but make sure to leave your bank info with JARVIS so I can deposit the money into your account. I'm thinking two million?"

"Tony!" Steve snapped.

Tony nodded seriously, "No, you're right. An O-C of her magnitude must be rewarded greatly. Ten mill, but that's my last offer."

"Tony." Jane said, exasperated, "Her name isn't Delilah. It's Darcy. She was my lab assistant in New Mexico when I first met Thor."

Tony stared and then pointed an accusatory finger at 'Darcy', "I thought you were in California."

Darcy shrugged, "I transferred. I wanted to be closer to the bosslady in case she needed me."

"And the tattoos?"

Confusion furrowed Darcy's brow, "What about 'em?"

"You didn't have them in New Mexico!" Tony flailed.

Chuckling, Darcy shook her head fondly, "Yes I did. I've had them since I was twenty. I just wore long sleeves because Jane thought Erik would take me a bit more seriously if I didn't show off my 'youthful discretions' as well as my poli-sci degree. I was inclined to agree. Also, I had a taser I would have gladly used if Erik was a giant bag of dicks."

"Still sounds like the authors excuse to tat you up..." Tony grumbled, crawling into Bruce's lap to pout.

Darcy let out a long suffering sigh, "Tony. This isn't a fanfiction."

Rolling his eyes he snuggled deeper into Bruce's chest, ignoring Bruce's discontent grumbling, "Not anymore it's not."

**Author's Note:**

> I told you guys. I toooollld you.
> 
> Please, if you have the time, leave a comment and tell me what you liked/didn't like about this fic. I want to improve my writing and having fans of the Avengers tell me if I got anything wrong (or even if a certain scene/sentence/character voice bothered you) will help that along immensely.
> 
> Again, please tell me if I have ANY spelling/grammar errors. I don't have a beta (though I'd like one!) to tell me if I mucked it all up.
> 
> -Ashley


End file.
